Do you think love is truly real?

I am an 18 year old male, I feel no emotion. I have none. I don't feel love or any profound feelings for mostly anything or anyone. Once a girl asked me out, I was hesitant, this was still in high school Junior year. The date? went terrible. awkward. she liked me, but again I have no emotions. I did not know how to respond half the time. I was very machine like. I still am. I am so insecure about giving away personal details, or preferences about what I truly like. never have done that. Don't ask me what type of music I like, because secretly I love enya. yes enya. I would never disclose this information to anyone, for fear that it some how would arrive back with my family. I wish I would be able to disclose my real feelings but, I never will due to my insecurities, major insecurities about my life. I sit on my computer all day. except for school of course. A girl just asked me to prom, I said yes. am I doomed to fail. I can be witty and have "seemingly" meaningful conversations some times, but usually inside, I am really just lying. I feel that I lie every time I laugh. The last time I actually laughed was around four or five years ago. everything else is just fake laughing, I feel terrible about it. well It doesn't really bother me. I'm just thinking about it. I can't remember the last time I cryed, maybe around two or three years old. I wish. that there was someone like me. that I could talk to. but then again, I would never talk to them. I just wish that someone knew who I really was. I think my main problem is that this information about my personal preferences will eventually get back to my parents. I hate uncertainty. I went through love in my mind for a few hours once, and concluded that it is all just a chemical reaction amplified by the thing you love, loving you back, Now that I know this, I find it hard to love. almost impossible. but masturbating, is just a chemical, and I do truly feel real feeling while I . I have wished that magic was real, that real love was real. that something, that can't be explained is real. every time something in my life starts to appear this way, and it has happened quite a few times, an enormous, amazing feeling over takes me. the best feeling in my opinion, this has happened quite a few times, for instance, when I was younger, watching youtube videos showing that anyone has the true power to move a piece of paper (PK wheel) with only their mind, this "feeling" arose in me. I really knew that it was just all fake, but the Idea that somewhere, somehow, somehow, it was real, even in the smallest fashion, gave me this amazing feeling, deep down inside. I have come to call this the deception feeling. for everytime I feel it, no matter how wonderful it is, it is never real, or the event never happens. god. love. PK, unexplained happenings, all gave the same feeling. many more in fact. I wish these were true, but now every time I get that feeling, I ociate what ever is giving me this feeling to not be true. and so far in every instance, this deceptive feeling, has deceived me. I once heard a saying "love with your heart, use your head for everything else" I think that love can actually fit into the second category as well. I have never done drugs, except prescribed ones, I have never been to a "party", unless you count weddings, I feel nothing. completely void of any emotion. I had wishes, great wishes, these wishes gave me that feeling, I have discarded them.I feel that by listening to enya I can actually trick myself to receive this feeling, I love the feeling of the feeling, and lie to myself to receive it, I do not regret this, for I believe that most people who love someone or something, obsession, are doing the same thing, just for longer periods of time and with support from others, again amplifying that feeling. any thoughts about this matter?